FANQIE

2019/7/18 23:16

After posting on the social platform to find someone to tell their story, the interviewer contacted me.

She wore a mask on the day and there was bruise on her neck.

“I really went very far that day and passed a long road.”

Use F (I) Fanqie (her) below

F: What kind of impression does childhood have?

Fanqie: When I was a child, I was very ordinary. My father and mother were very busy. I was seen at my grandmother's house. I didn't go to school before going to school. In fact, my childhood was still very good. After I went to school, it seemed to be different. At that time, the vague impression was the contradiction between my father and mother, grandmother and grandfather. I didn’t know what was a patriarch at that age. Now I think that I am not a boy. I remember that my first and second grade fathers and mothers were busy with school. I often asked me to go to a school to write homework. No one cares for me. I often eat myself badly. I just remember the two-story school, strange smell. The dense things in the attic. Then at that time my parents seemed to make me home. I could only talk to the next grandmother across the wall and let her enter the house. Let her accompany me. I will talk to her on the stairs on the second floor of my house.

F: Grandma is very warm.

Fanqie: Yeah, I have gone a few years ago. There is also a puppy raised by the grandmother. Every time I wait for me to come back from school, I went to the grandmother's house after going to high school. The puppy still knows me after more than ten years. Now the grandmother is gone, Xiaofeifei is gone.

F: Good country in heaven

Fanqie: I didn't have any friends at school when I was young. No one likes to play with me. I am like a wild child and live in someone else's home. No one can take care of me at that time. I live in my cousin's house. But at that time I took care of myself very well. Later, I felt that it was still not good to live in someone else's house. I went back to live with my grandparents. At that time, I didn't do a lot of homework. No one can teach me. One afternoon I carried my schoolbag and went to the hospital from the school. Go to my mom and dad. When my mother asked my grandfather to pick me up, my grandfather said, "Let him come back there." Hey.... I still remember that day I really went very far and passed a long road. .

F: What did you feel about Mom and Dad at that time?

Fanqie: My mother's temper is not good at that time. I almost always beat me to beat me. I just hide in the cupboard and cry. I remember that I had self-harming behavior. Sometimes I felt that I could feel myself and I felt that I didn’t want to. Everyone is blaming me for living. Later, there were more and more contradictions with my parents. I was overwhelmed by academic pressure and family pressure. My tutoring classes are very late, and I go home all the way to the night. I only have to eat after dinner. I bought bread and sausages to solve the meal in the corridor. Later, they demanded that I not only study, but also said that all aspects of development, all kinds of interest classes to me. The deepest impression is that a person sitting in the bus holding the erhu, it was really a long way away, sleepy and afraid to sit over the station, will knock his head to stay awake, holding my mom's change.

F: You said a lot of people, it seems that many things are one person.

Fanqie: Yes, maybe they are busy, or I feel that I can take it myself. For a long time, my own brain is also escaping to think about these things. I have done it by myself. It seems that I will rationalize it. That is... Imagine that everyone is alone and doing these things.

F:..... (I heard the rationalization of loneliness, I also began to be brought back to those scenes that I rationalized)

Fanqie: I was very insecure when I was a child. I was very insecure when I was a child. I have a pillow towel that I have touched since I was a child. I have to touch me to sleep for more than 20 years. My friend said that this is the lack of maternal love when I was young. Let you put this feeling on the item.

F: Everyone has an emotional substitute