TAN
Interviewed a third person
2019/7/15 23：49
"They are a group of people, and I am a person."
The interviewer refused my interview for the first time and agreed to the second interview after
some persuasion.
Use F(I)T(her) below
F: Where did you live before elementary school?
T: Home?
F: Mainly with grandparents or moms and dads?
T: Grandma, basically one person, basically no memory for a few years ago.
F: Do you think this time is happy?
T: No memory, no feeling
F: Do you have any impressions of childhood, what are the memories?
T: One thing, campus violence... um.....not to say in detail
F: At what time did you find yourself in the storm vortex of school violence?
T: I don't want to say... a bad memory.
Since the interviewer really doesn't want to recall this experience, I will tell the private chat with her before she talks about what she said.
In the third grade, because I didn't like to talk, I didn't like to participate in group activities. Gradually, there was a small group in the class that started violence against me. During that time, I was often taken to the empty classroom alone, and then suffered their language and physical violence. I never dared to resist because they were a group of people and I was alone. Sometimes they will take pictures and videos of me, very helpless. After the violence lasted for too long, I began to be more silent and tried to scratch my skin, using a knife, sometimes the back of the hand is sometimes the fingertip.
F: Have you said this to your friends?
T: I said, because I don’t feel anything about the past.
F: Sometimes speaking is also a release, although the process of recalling is very difficult.
T: I don’t think so.
F: Then let's not talk about ourselves first. Do the people around you have any negative emotions with you?
T: Yes
F: What is the most extreme negative emotion?
T: depression, suicide
F: Is sudden emotional deterioration, or is it continuing?
T: All the time, I think I can't elaborate on this, respect the privacy of others, it is not convenient to record, I will answer the situation.
F: Ok, when she first told you about depression, what is your reaction?
T: It’s very troublesome, I don’t want to be a life-saving straw.
F: You still think that your behavior is very important to her choice, right?
T: Yes.
F: How long has this situation of depression been continued?
T: It’s been a long time, I can’t remember.
F: During this process, did you have a psychological change in the matter of her and you telling depression?
T: No, it’s very troublesome, it’s very troublesome.
F: But you still have been guiding her right.
T: Just to reduce your sense of guilt
F: If you see on the Internet as if she talked about negative emotions, would you think they are doing nothing?
T: I want to win the sympathy of everyone, poor.
F: Then do you think she is also?
T: No, she needs a support and needs a reason to live, not sympathy.
F: If you assume that she really chooses extreme things because of some kind of reaction, what do you think?
T: I feel guilty and feel like killing myself.
F: What do you want to remember, do you want to tell others, do you think you are gradually forgetting this in the passage of time?
T: No, no, just a seal, I don’t think, but it always exists.
F: The existence of that thing, what do you think has affected your life in these years?
T: Self-denial
F: Before and after this incident, did your attitude towards your friends and family change, will it suddenly become violent, or suddenly fall?
T: Yes, but I mean, on the surface, the attitude towards family and friends is still the same, but in fact it is not completely trusting.
F: Why didn't you show it? Do you think it will bring a burden to your family?
T: Extreme emotions will not be in front of others, reducing unnecessary troubles
F: How long has it lasted, can you remember?
T: I don't deliberately pay attention to time. The concept of time is rather vague.
F: Do you feel that you are coming out now?
T: No, the dark side will not disappear.
F: Let's talk about it now, what time or item you saw recently or what you heard, so that you suddenly feel depressed
T: No, I think my time is very short memory, will soon forget something
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